Relying on the Heavenly Gardener…

 “The pain of parting is nothing to the joy of meeting again.” Charles Dickens.”


This few days have been filled by a hollow longing and emptiness. It has been over a year since my sister’s sudden departure of this world and I find myself missing her more than ever. Specially during this times where all we talk about are uncertainty and doom my heart longs for a conversation filled with laughter, someone I can be raw and me without holding back, camaraderie, taking of superficial things like the smells of soap to more motherly advise.

It feels like in one night my whole world changed, so many lasts, so many good byes, and never agains that make my heart rip into shreads and yet it still remains surprisinly the same.

I know we need to bloom where we are planted but it is feeling specially challenging lately. Maybe it’s the summer fast approaching and needing to be outside, or the uncertainty with COVID, having my flower shop closed and not feeling that momentum, creativity, and peace that comes from playing with flowers, or missing human interaction, or seing lives around me grow and evolve.

But all I know is I am feeling how a plant must feel planted in a pot and after a while it has outgrown it making the roots feel like they are suffocating as they long for more space. At the same time missing the main vitamin it needs to bloom, that laughter and sisterly love. All I can do is trust in my Heavenly gardener, He knows what to prune, knows the timining, the seasons, etc. I just need to keep reminding myself of that, keep my focus on  clearing out  ruthlessly the weeds causing my thoughts to spiral out of control and  sending my feelings into a slump, and to rely in the waters of prayer and gratitude so I can still feel alive and refreshed.

It is interesting how the things my heart craves and truly wants are completely out of my control. It bring me back to relaying and trusting in God over and over and over again. And know one day she and I will be catching up on many laughs together again.

Luz

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