Self Care & Mom Guilt + journaling prompts
Hi everyone, I know it has been a while since the last post, a few things happened in our life and I gave myself the time I needed and grace to fully focus (more on that later) The good news is I am back and with a powerful topic!
A few weeks ago I was feeling completely depleted as a mom and wife and woman. I realized I had been putting myself last and was feeling the consequences! It made me think of how us mamas by nature we are nurturers, we want to take care of everyone and yet we forget to take care of us, or feel "guilty" doing so. But let me tell you mamas WE are the ones that keep the family going, they depend on us, our kids, home and hubbies count on us, and we can't fulfill the calling that God sent us if we feel empty, we feel stuck, we are running on fumes, and snapping at everyone in our path. Yes, believe it or not we are the most important ones and yet we tend to treat ourselves like we don't matter. We need to make US a priority so that we can serve our families well.
I also noticed going on social media how people tend to blow out of proportion and dramatize what self care looks like, and that is probably why we put it off (I know I would love to have a massage by the beach, but... lol am I right?). So I am here to tell you that is not all self care should be like or is... self care can be and SHOULD be little things sprinkled through out the day. Those little things are what are going to help you keep going and feeling energized and happy during the day. It also changes, some days yes we need to get in our cars and go away for a while, or get a mani/pedi, but most of the time you can weave it into your normal day.
Let me give you some examples of what I do so you can get an idea of what "weaving it into my day" looks like
I wake up early and do some journaling with my cup of coffee and sometimes light a candle and dedicate some time in prayer before the house wakes up (that way I have quiet and can gather my thoughts- more on that later)
I will get flowers from the grocery store and place them in the kitchen (I asked when they get new deliveries and plan to go in time for nice flowers to be put on sale and score some beautiful bouquets instead of 12$ in 4$ so budget is not an excuse not to treat myself) for some reason trimming the flowers and arranging them fills my soul (the house can fall apart, the little one can be jumping in the couch, or running around naked... doesn't matter, that is my 10 mins to relax), also when I feel like I am dragging looking at them and fully appreciating and noticing the colors, smells, etc is like a mini meditation that will help me re-group, and it makes the house look nice (giving the idea that I have it "all together") and they make me smile...
The little one wont nap anymore but I make sure to put a giant box of books in her room for some "quiet time" so that mama can take a class or listen to a podcast or read or read
Sometimes I put a big towel on the floor and the little one and I get our nails painted (yes you can do self care when you have your kids with you too)
I love cooking, that is a form of self care for me (doing something I enjoy) So I will put some jazz music or 50s and either dance with the little one as I cook or take out some puzzles that will keep her entertained for a while - if you don't like cooking turning it into a self care is a huge help to light a candle, play music, and think of how awesome you are making sure your kids and hubby are fed (even if its Mc and Cheese) you are an amazing mom- thoughts make everything
Once shes in bed a hot shower or bath & reading before bed and journaling
Sometimes self care looks like getting in the car and going for a drive (with or without kiddo)
Or leaving the little one with daddy for a bit and going to grab a coffee or to meet girlfriends for dinner/coffee/etc - most of them are with the little ones are around so we plan to a walk on the park instead
I know sometimes we use the excuse (trust me I know I am a PRO at this one) of the house will fall apart without me... well let me tell you, and remind me... the house will be fine, the little one will be fine with dad for a little while (plus it will give them some time to bond and experience the father/kid relationship that's so important) or with grampas (getting lots of love and treats they wouldn't normally get... you know what i mean lol) or the baby sitter (playing games or watching a movie)... most likely the house "will fall apart" if we don't replenish our souls because then we will be grumpy, snap, bitter, and dragging (been there, done that)
If the problem is that you don't know what to do for self care and feel stuck ... well lets grab those journals and dig ourselves out, because if we don't take care of us no one else will! ask yourself these questions:
* what did you like doing before kids came around?
* what do you miss, truly miss doing? going out with friends? reading? playing piano?
* what if you had all the time in the world, what would you do?
for me its traveling (so I will go for a drive with windows down for a bit even if I am not going anywhere), reading, writing in my journal, learning and hanging out with friends (park or coffee dates)
Also remember there are seasons and things will look different with each, but the main thing is to give yourself the care you need as well, make you a priority as well, you matter more than you think, I once heard a lady say she would eat standing in the kitchen after she had served everyone else... seriously my heart broke at that moment, why wasn't she sitting in the table eating with her family? was she less important than them? what was she teaching her kids with that? LADIES, YOU MATTER!
If all this talk about self care makes you cringe lets grab that journal and dig deep to find the why's
* How have I been neglecting myself?
* Why?
* Why does it make you feel guilty?
* Are you over compensating because of how you were raised? (don't blame your parents just keep in mind we are all doing the best we can)
* Is it what you saw growing up and now are mirroring?
Remember our kids are little sponges they are learning with all we do, do you want them to learn that motherhood and marriage is this terrible thing where you loose yourself, feel miserable, and become a martyr? or do you want them to learn that it can be wonderful and you can still do things you enjoy? if we are always teaching them to shower, wash hands, eat right, take care of themselves we should be the example
I am writing about this not because I am perfect at it but because I have been there too, I fell into the whole society makes for us when we become mamas "everyone else has to come first or we are selfish" too and I am here as a friend to help you and teach you the way I wish I had been taught and helped me when I needed it most, when I felt stuck.
Fell free to chat with me in the comments below what you think when you hear self care, what are some of your favorite self care things and/or what will you be doing that makes you happy from now on (even if its just 1 thing!)
Have a great day!
Lucy Voehl
A few weeks ago I was feeling completely depleted as a mom and wife and woman. I realized I had been putting myself last and was feeling the consequences! It made me think of how us mamas by nature we are nurturers, we want to take care of everyone and yet we forget to take care of us, or feel "guilty" doing so. But let me tell you mamas WE are the ones that keep the family going, they depend on us, our kids, home and hubbies count on us, and we can't fulfill the calling that God sent us if we feel empty, we feel stuck, we are running on fumes, and snapping at everyone in our path. Yes, believe it or not we are the most important ones and yet we tend to treat ourselves like we don't matter. We need to make US a priority so that we can serve our families well.
I also noticed going on social media how people tend to blow out of proportion and dramatize what self care looks like, and that is probably why we put it off (I know I would love to have a massage by the beach, but... lol am I right?). So I am here to tell you that is not all self care should be like or is... self care can be and SHOULD be little things sprinkled through out the day. Those little things are what are going to help you keep going and feeling energized and happy during the day. It also changes, some days yes we need to get in our cars and go away for a while, or get a mani/pedi, but most of the time you can weave it into your normal day.
Let me give you some examples of what I do so you can get an idea of what "weaving it into my day" looks like
I wake up early and do some journaling with my cup of coffee and sometimes light a candle and dedicate some time in prayer before the house wakes up (that way I have quiet and can gather my thoughts- more on that later)
I will get flowers from the grocery store and place them in the kitchen (I asked when they get new deliveries and plan to go in time for nice flowers to be put on sale and score some beautiful bouquets instead of 12$ in 4$ so budget is not an excuse not to treat myself) for some reason trimming the flowers and arranging them fills my soul (the house can fall apart, the little one can be jumping in the couch, or running around naked... doesn't matter, that is my 10 mins to relax), also when I feel like I am dragging looking at them and fully appreciating and noticing the colors, smells, etc is like a mini meditation that will help me re-group, and it makes the house look nice (giving the idea that I have it "all together") and they make me smile...
The little one wont nap anymore but I make sure to put a giant box of books in her room for some "quiet time" so that mama can take a class or listen to a podcast or read or read
Sometimes I put a big towel on the floor and the little one and I get our nails painted (yes you can do self care when you have your kids with you too)
I love cooking, that is a form of self care for me (doing something I enjoy) So I will put some jazz music or 50s and either dance with the little one as I cook or take out some puzzles that will keep her entertained for a while - if you don't like cooking turning it into a self care is a huge help to light a candle, play music, and think of how awesome you are making sure your kids and hubby are fed (even if its Mc and Cheese) you are an amazing mom- thoughts make everything
Once shes in bed a hot shower or bath & reading before bed and journaling
Sometimes self care looks like getting in the car and going for a drive (with or without kiddo)
Or leaving the little one with daddy for a bit and going to grab a coffee or to meet girlfriends for dinner/coffee/etc - most of them are with the little ones are around so we plan to a walk on the park instead
I know sometimes we use the excuse (trust me I know I am a PRO at this one) of the house will fall apart without me... well let me tell you, and remind me... the house will be fine, the little one will be fine with dad for a little while (plus it will give them some time to bond and experience the father/kid relationship that's so important) or with grampas (getting lots of love and treats they wouldn't normally get... you know what i mean lol) or the baby sitter (playing games or watching a movie)... most likely the house "will fall apart" if we don't replenish our souls because then we will be grumpy, snap, bitter, and dragging (been there, done that)
If the problem is that you don't know what to do for self care and feel stuck ... well lets grab those journals and dig ourselves out, because if we don't take care of us no one else will! ask yourself these questions:
* what did you like doing before kids came around?
* what do you miss, truly miss doing? going out with friends? reading? playing piano?
* what if you had all the time in the world, what would you do?
for me its traveling (so I will go for a drive with windows down for a bit even if I am not going anywhere), reading, writing in my journal, learning and hanging out with friends (park or coffee dates)
Also remember there are seasons and things will look different with each, but the main thing is to give yourself the care you need as well, make you a priority as well, you matter more than you think, I once heard a lady say she would eat standing in the kitchen after she had served everyone else... seriously my heart broke at that moment, why wasn't she sitting in the table eating with her family? was she less important than them? what was she teaching her kids with that? LADIES, YOU MATTER!
If all this talk about self care makes you cringe lets grab that journal and dig deep to find the why's
* How have I been neglecting myself?
* Why?
* Why does it make you feel guilty?
* Are you over compensating because of how you were raised? (don't blame your parents just keep in mind we are all doing the best we can)
* Is it what you saw growing up and now are mirroring?
Remember our kids are little sponges they are learning with all we do, do you want them to learn that motherhood and marriage is this terrible thing where you loose yourself, feel miserable, and become a martyr? or do you want them to learn that it can be wonderful and you can still do things you enjoy? if we are always teaching them to shower, wash hands, eat right, take care of themselves we should be the example
I am writing about this not because I am perfect at it but because I have been there too, I fell into the whole society makes for us when we become mamas "everyone else has to come first or we are selfish" too and I am here as a friend to help you and teach you the way I wish I had been taught and helped me when I needed it most, when I felt stuck.
Fell free to chat with me in the comments below what you think when you hear self care, what are some of your favorite self care things and/or what will you be doing that makes you happy from now on (even if its just 1 thing!)
Have a great day!
Lucy Voehl
