In the end it doesn't really matter...
this quote resonates with me so much because
as you probably know by now my sister passed away in her sleep the
night before my nephew, her only son, was to be married. Her sudden and
surprising death has left a huge imprint of me. She has been teaching me so
much about life though it. I am still making peace with the fact that we had been talking
like nothing, being silly, same conversation as always, helping her decide what
dress to wear to the wedding, and laughing about silly things without any clue
of what was to happen in just a few hours, that our relationship would for
change forever, that THAT would be the last time we would hear each other’s voice,
talk and laugh about stuff that seemed so stressful and so important at the
time and now seems trivial and meaningless.
One of the main things her death has taught me is how in the
end whatever we are stressing about, in her case the dress she would wear to
the wedding, it’s really in the grand scheme of things not that important. She obsessed
over that dress for months and seriously she would call me at least 3 times a
week for me to help her figure out what dress to wear because she found one she
loved but we all were too worried about “what
would people think” that it was too bride-ish, to light colored, etc. but she
loved it, she really wanted to wear it, and she kept calling hoping someone
would give her permission to wear the dress of her dreams, someone to say “YES
wear it”, and what’s amazing is that my nephew told her that night to wear it
and not care what people thought… who would have guessed that it would be the
one she would end up wearing to her own funeral.
Now I look back and think of all her sleepless nights
wondering about something that seemed earth shattering and super important at
the time, like what dress to wear, all the annoyance I felt at her never ending
calls about something so dumb like a dress and how she kept flip-flopping on
her decision, the same calls that now I wish I could get back as I stare at my
phone hoping it will ring with her name again, and how in the end none of the stress or annoyance really mattered.
Just this thought has flipped my life in a 180 degree. All I
have to do is when I start to feel annoyed, stressed, or scared about something
is ask myself “in the end does it really matter?” is whatever I am stressing
about super important and going to leave a mark if and when I am gone OR am I
totally over reacting and blowing it out of proportion? For example going to 15th
street fisheries in the water taxi in a ridiculously hot Florida summer day, I was sooooo annoyed,
and now that she’s gone did it really matter? Did the heat matter? did how much money we spent really mattered? how we were dressed really mattered? how my hair looked like, did it really matter? how many extra pounds I may or may not have really mattered? Was it worth
me being annoyed? No, in the grand scheme of things none of that really mattered... now that she is gone all I can
think about is how the things that actually
mattered were the laughs, the conversations, and the memories... in this case of feeding the fishies with “tia Lety”
Same goes with stuff we stress about, doubts, what we strive
for, fears, etc… thinking if I was to die tomorrow would this matter? What would
be the thing that actually matters? I have realized that what actually matters
is not whether or not we owned a house with a dog, what cars we have, how much
money we made, how “successful” we were, and all the things that at the moment “seem
so important” (like in her case the dress)… but what actually matters in the end is
what we did with the life we got... did we trully live it?, did we follow God’s path for
us or did we let fear and doubt get in the way? Did we make a difference in the
world or were we too worried or the “what will people think?” were we kind or
were we judgmental and jumped to conclusions about people? Were we generous or
did we only strive to make money/fame? Did we show the people around us love? And what are the memories
we left behind? was it of someone who complained,was stressed and was angry all the time? or
too busy? or let their fears get in the way of spending time together with loved ones? or of someone
who was joyful, happy, loving, kind, and always willing to help? or
spend time with loved ones and making memories?
Because of what I
have learned with my sister is, one day she was here and the next she was gone,
just like that, puff she vanished from the world and from my life… did it matter what dress she was going to wear, what she did for work, how much she weight, what her hair looked like, what her bank account looked like, what her
fears or doubts were, what people thought, what she did/didn’t do, etc… none of
it really mattered in the end, the only thing that actually mattered was the
memories she left behind.
Please learn from my sister’s story, don’t let fears, don't let the “what
would people think”, whether your are at your "ideal weight" or a few/many pounds heavier, have stretch marks and/or cellulite, white hairs or perfectly colored hair, wrinkles, the designer clothing or bags, little arguments, or other worldly stresses and expectations get in the way of you making memories with your loved ones, of truly living and enjoying life, of following what
your soul is asking and begging you to do, of forgiving and letting go, making peace with your
past, letting little annoyances get the best of you, expectations of how things should be or life should look like,etc... because one day you
will look back and realize that in the grand scheme of things and in the end none of those things really mattered.
