The Hidden Lesson in Suffering

Today is one month of my world turning upside down, one month of Leticia Palacios Roc my big sister "mom" best friend's unexpected and surprising death. I still can't beleive it's one month of the dreaded phone call that changed everything, of hearing one the worst news I have heard in my life... a challenging and emotional month it has been, between loosing her and missing our weekly phone calls and constant text messages and facetimes, loosing out loved pet "whiskey" run over by a car and celebrating one year of loosing  baby #2 BUT even though it has been an emotional roller-coaster filled with feelings of emptiness, pain and sadness I have gathered enough evidence that I can handle hard things, I can handle the pain, I can handle the stress/emptiness/loss and I am still here, I'm ok. What has made it possible for me to get up in the morning and face my days is my Faith. Relying on my faith, putting myself and my pain at the foot of the cross, that my suffering can lead to a grater good, knowing im in the midst of another Paschal mystery and resurrection will come, that God loves her so much and she is with Him, that it's not a for ever good bye but a for now good bye and even though I miss her like crazy I believe we will be together again someday... i have been able to find comfort in my Faith and God has "winked" at me countless of times this month (including snow today- our last conversation the morning before passed was of how much fun our little one was having playing with the fake "snow" she had given her) He is reminding me it's ok, it will all be ok, to focus on love not fear, to come to Him because we can't do life on our own we need to come to Jesus and rely on Him. I will still miss our phone calls, our silly constant texts, our fights and arguments, our sister dates, facetimes and everything we did ... but I know we have entered a new stage in our sisterly friendship and it's always hard and painful to let go and say good bye to old stages but like she used to say "what come next is always better", and I have to remind myself in this stage shes not gone, she is still with us just in a different way, and someday a new stage will come once more where I will be reunited with her and in the mean time I will focus on the new evidence I have gathered: that I am strong, I can handle what ever comes my way, that God knows my pain and will give me any grace I need to get through things, that in the end it will all be OK, and that I am loved by Him and by so many people around me that have showered me and my family with prayers and sweet words and gestures THANK YOU!

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