My main fear as a mama now that school starts for our little one...
This week the blog post was a bit late because I have been in a major cleaning and working mode, I think part of it is knowing my little one will be starting pre-school and its a new season not only weather but in our family; How, when, what? she grew up so fast! so many feeling, so many fears, so many thoughts going around in my head.
My main fear though is her beautiful soul and heart being shattered by other kids. I get it its going to happen, its a part of life I think, I was bullied and shames me to admit I was a bully too. There is nothing I can do to protect her, other than lock her up Rapunzel style, but even then it would just be harming her by keeping her in a bubble, I don't know. Part of what makes us grow and evolve is the challenges we face. A lot of people are amazed to find out I was bullied, but yes believe it or not I was and I was made fun of and that lead me to make pretty bad decisions in my life to try to "fit in" (more on that later) But one thing I can not deny is it made me grow stronger and wiser, I still have to deal with some left over scaring but you know what scar tissue is actually tougher than normal tissue, which means we heal stronger than we were before, it't pretty neat to think of it that way right?
Back to my main point, even though I know its going to happen at some point or another I also wish parents would be more present and make more of an effort to catch the "prime parenting moments" that show up for us to instill kindness, compassion, and generosity in our kids and maybe that would help the situation.
Just so that you guys understand what I mean as "prime parenting moments" a few weeks back we were in swim class and little one was bumped up to a class with older girls-without mama in the pool- for a newly 3 year old to be alone in the pool surrounded by 4, 5 and up to 9 year old without mama was a bit scary not knowing what to expect the first few times and naturally she cried a bit before class started. We arrived the next week and the girls 6 and 9 started making fun of my little one, calling her names and laughing at her about crying in the pool, but that is not what amazed me, what really took me off kilter was the reaction of the adults with the girls, the grandma of the 9 year old just laughed and the mom of the 6 year old just said "keep it to yourself"... well that was in my opinion what I call a "prime parenting moment" that showed up and was not taken advantage of. It was the right moment to teach the girls and help them see the age difference and how to be kind, compassionate, and understanding. There was one mom who encouraged her little one to talk to mine and hold her hand if she was scared and I was so grateful for her encouragement and that simple action as was my little girl. I have also had these"prime parenting moments" when there's a smaller kid that approaches my daughter and she thinks shes "soooo big now" and ignores the little one, I still approach her and teach her to be polite, understanding, kind and generous. It is the parents responsibility to teach and show them when times like this come along, how else are they going to learn it?
I would like to invite all of us mamas and not mamas out there to never let a moment to be kind, polite, and generous pass us by, no matter how busy we are, how the other persons choices are not of our liking (no one is better than the other, we are all the same, we just make different choices). And for mamas specially its never too early to teach your kiddos how to treat others, teach them with your with actions and with your words, teach them the importance of kind words, to hold the hand of the scared one, to play with the lonely, to help and encourage, to be generous, to be polite and just say hi back, and not only "keep mean/bad comments to yourself" and I get that one is like the "if you have nothing nice to say don't say anything at all" its good advise but I would like to challenge it and take it a step further by encouraging your kid to find something good in the other.
And for those people who I bullied, made fun of, judged, criticized, and offended when I was a kid and/or as an adult I would like to apologize and hope you can forgive me. I was not kind or compassionate or loving towards you when you needed it, I didn't stand up for you when you were made fun of, I joined in criticizing you and gossiping instead of highlighting all your wonderful traits, and for that I am and will for ever be sorry, trust me, sometimes I wake up at night thinking about those times, thinking of how bad you might have felt and I know because I have felt that way too. I can not go back to the past but I can definitely change the future and that is why I try my best to teach my little one and pray she always sees the good in people, is kind, and always compassionate no matter the peer pressure shes under, and understand no matter the pain and crappy feeling it causes her to still forgive those who make fun, judge, gossip, criticize, and bully her. We are humans, we are flawed, we make mistakes, and sometimes social pressure gets the best of us, but we need to try to be better, make an effort to remind ourselves to and focus on kindness, compassion, and love.
My main fear though is her beautiful soul and heart being shattered by other kids. I get it its going to happen, its a part of life I think, I was bullied and shames me to admit I was a bully too. There is nothing I can do to protect her, other than lock her up Rapunzel style, but even then it would just be harming her by keeping her in a bubble, I don't know. Part of what makes us grow and evolve is the challenges we face. A lot of people are amazed to find out I was bullied, but yes believe it or not I was and I was made fun of and that lead me to make pretty bad decisions in my life to try to "fit in" (more on that later) But one thing I can not deny is it made me grow stronger and wiser, I still have to deal with some left over scaring but you know what scar tissue is actually tougher than normal tissue, which means we heal stronger than we were before, it't pretty neat to think of it that way right?
Back to my main point, even though I know its going to happen at some point or another I also wish parents would be more present and make more of an effort to catch the "prime parenting moments" that show up for us to instill kindness, compassion, and generosity in our kids and maybe that would help the situation.
Just so that you guys understand what I mean as "prime parenting moments" a few weeks back we were in swim class and little one was bumped up to a class with older girls-without mama in the pool- for a newly 3 year old to be alone in the pool surrounded by 4, 5 and up to 9 year old without mama was a bit scary not knowing what to expect the first few times and naturally she cried a bit before class started. We arrived the next week and the girls 6 and 9 started making fun of my little one, calling her names and laughing at her about crying in the pool, but that is not what amazed me, what really took me off kilter was the reaction of the adults with the girls, the grandma of the 9 year old just laughed and the mom of the 6 year old just said "keep it to yourself"... well that was in my opinion what I call a "prime parenting moment" that showed up and was not taken advantage of. It was the right moment to teach the girls and help them see the age difference and how to be kind, compassionate, and understanding. There was one mom who encouraged her little one to talk to mine and hold her hand if she was scared and I was so grateful for her encouragement and that simple action as was my little girl. I have also had these"prime parenting moments" when there's a smaller kid that approaches my daughter and she thinks shes "soooo big now" and ignores the little one, I still approach her and teach her to be polite, understanding, kind and generous. It is the parents responsibility to teach and show them when times like this come along, how else are they going to learn it?
I would like to invite all of us mamas and not mamas out there to never let a moment to be kind, polite, and generous pass us by, no matter how busy we are, how the other persons choices are not of our liking (no one is better than the other, we are all the same, we just make different choices). And for mamas specially its never too early to teach your kiddos how to treat others, teach them with your with actions and with your words, teach them the importance of kind words, to hold the hand of the scared one, to play with the lonely, to help and encourage, to be generous, to be polite and just say hi back, and not only "keep mean/bad comments to yourself" and I get that one is like the "if you have nothing nice to say don't say anything at all" its good advise but I would like to challenge it and take it a step further by encouraging your kid to find something good in the other.
And for those people who I bullied, made fun of, judged, criticized, and offended when I was a kid and/or as an adult I would like to apologize and hope you can forgive me. I was not kind or compassionate or loving towards you when you needed it, I didn't stand up for you when you were made fun of, I joined in criticizing you and gossiping instead of highlighting all your wonderful traits, and for that I am and will for ever be sorry, trust me, sometimes I wake up at night thinking about those times, thinking of how bad you might have felt and I know because I have felt that way too. I can not go back to the past but I can definitely change the future and that is why I try my best to teach my little one and pray she always sees the good in people, is kind, and always compassionate no matter the peer pressure shes under, and understand no matter the pain and crappy feeling it causes her to still forgive those who make fun, judge, gossip, criticize, and bully her. We are humans, we are flawed, we make mistakes, and sometimes social pressure gets the best of us, but we need to try to be better, make an effort to remind ourselves to and focus on kindness, compassion, and love.
