The BIG question
Today we sat down and had the very powerful conversation of the QUESTION, the compass conversation if you will. This I didn't know until my 30s. But oh what a poweful tool it is, and it's never too late to apply it to ourselves and teach it to the next generation.
I have talked about it many times before but it's always good to do a refresher...
Taking time to ask ourselves "Who do you want to be? how does that person think? and what does that person say, do, behave, etc?" and take a big honest look at our habits and what we need to change in order to live that way.
A lot of times we are so distracted putting out fires or just our daily lives that we forget to live on purpose, we forget we have the choice. Like I was telling my daughter, and remind myself often,
"habits practiced long enough become ingraned in our personalities, who we are, how we show up in the world"
They are not a messy person they just have habits that make it hard to be an organized person, they need to declutter and set systems in place like: don't just plop it down put it in it's spot right away or if it takes less than 5 mins do it right away, you know habits that support who they want to be. That person is not a bitter person, they have just practiced complaining and finding the negative so much they have made it part of their personality. The joyful person has developed the habit of not taking themselves seriously, laughing at the challenges, finding the possitive... in other words we become what we practice... it is possible to re-wire our brains, easy no, but it can be done. Isn't that great news? that means we can do something about it! that means we have the power to show up in the world as that person on purpose, we can choose, we are not stuck for ever that way.
I told my daughter, I do this excercise every morning in my journal so I can show up on purpose for my day. and I re-visit it often, at least once a year, in the major things because between fallen nature and distractions we tend to loose that North Star in the compass and fall pray again to the old ruts.
But every morning I ask myself "how do I want to show up for my day? who do I need and want to be? what does she do? eat? think?, etc.
I ask "what kind of mom (wife, friend, homemaker...) do I want to be? how does she react when the buttons are pushed? what does she do when the toddler melts down at the store? how does she think? what is she telling herself? how does she speak? what does she say?, how and what does she eat? how does she take care of the home? how does she show up in a way that makes her proud of at the end of the day? what can I do that makes it easier for me to show up as that person? (may be take a nap after a hard no sleep night with the baby or eat more protein or go for a walk... etc)
I firmly beleive possitive affirmations don't work, at least not alone, you need action to back them up. Don't just cut things out but swap. Swap one habit for a different habit, one action for the action that will take you closer to your desired goal.
for example if you want to loose weight you need to see yourself as a slim person and what do they eat? what do they do in their free time? I had to ask myself would they eat chips watching netflix until midnight, probably no, they would go to bed early and maybe have a tea while reading instead, so that is what I started doing instead... you need to show up as that person on purpose, you become that person as you practice the habits they do.
This is not easy, this requires brutal honesty. You need to know what your values are and to take a good look at your habits now and see if they support you and the person you want to be. You need to compare how you are living and what you are doing vs the version of yourself that is the way you are hoping to live.
Maybe you realize the people you are surrounding yourself with are keeping you stuck in old patterns, for example if you want to complain less but all your friends do is that (we are the sum of the 5 people we surround ourselves with) are they practicing the habits you want or the ones you want to leave behind? or if you want to live a healthier life style but all you do when getting together is drink or party?
Maybe you look at your pantry and see things that do not support the slim person you want to be (I am still working on not digging into the nutella when I am overwhelmed).
Maybe your closet does not support the elegant person you want to be and you realize it is time to throw away the sweat pants and holes T-shirt you use to sleep in and get a beautiful PJ set that makes you feel luxurious or a new bra thats not stretched out, maybe invest in beautiful lingerie or a few key classic pieces that will elevate your stule.
Or take a look at the shows on TV you are watching, the books you are reading? the things you do on your free time. Maybe you want to incorporate God more in your life you can wake up earlier and make prayer time more easily accessible or wrangle the family for a walking rosary.
for example at the moment am trying to swap scrolling for Rosetta stone trying to learn Italian, joined a well Read mom group, and are trying to wake up at 5am.
You might need to seek professional help, hire a coah like I did 8 yrs ago, maybe find a mentor, ask a friend, get a spiritual director (also did that) if you want spiritual guidance, or just seek advise by picking peoples brain to see what helps them (constantly doing that). Or just look around and see who is living the way you are hoiping to and ask them, for example you might have a friend that you like how tidy they are and ask them what systems she has and to walk alongside you. Pay attention and see what do they do and don't do. Take note and try it out...
hoping this is helpful!
Luz
